What I want in a Man – A List

My friend Paul Schmidt from Knoxville sent me this. He’s always good for a salty joke or fifty. And don’t get him started on the blond jokes…So, I figured out that my list falls somewhere between the age 32 revised list and the age 42 revised list…

What I Want in a Man, Original List

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses
    with style
  8. Appreciates finer thing
  9. Full of thoughtful
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover!

What I Want in a Man,
Revised List (age 32)

  1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
  2. Opens car doors, holds
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more
    than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries
    with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked
  9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance
    at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age

  1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
  2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in
    the car
  3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
  4. Nods head when I’m talking
  5. Usually remembers punch lines of
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne
    with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves
    most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised
List (age 52)

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn’t belch or scratch
    in public
  3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
  4. Doesn’t nod
    off to sleep when I’m venting
  5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too
    many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates
    a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves
    some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age

  1. Doesn’t scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn’t
    require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when asleep
  5. Remembers
    why he’s laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods !
  9. Remembers
    where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised
List (age 72)

  1. Breathing
  2. Doesn’t miss the toilet.