Real women -vs- Ladies

So are you a lady or a real woman?

  • Ladies – Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
    future use in casseroles and sauces.
  • Real Women – Leftover wine?? Hello!!
  • Ladies – Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
    forehead. The throbbing will go away.
  • Real Women – Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might
    still have the headache, but who the hell cares!
  • Ladies – Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent
    ice cream drips.
  • Real Women – Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s
    sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.
  • Ladies – To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
  • Real Women – Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don’t have to worry about
    the potatoes growing arms and legs.
  • Ladies – When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of
    the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white powdery mess on the
    bottom of the cake.
  • Real Women – Go to the bakery – they’ll even decorate the son of a bitch for
  • Ladies – Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield
    a beautiful glossy finish.
  • Real Women – Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include brushing
    egg whites, so don’t do it.
  • Ladies – If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves.
    They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
  • Real Women – Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.
  • And finally the most important tip…

  • A good friend will come and bail you out of jail… but, a true friend
    will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn … that was fun!!